Day 110: Shalom Easter

Where, I wondered, would be a good place to avoid Easter crowds today? 

The answer? A Hasidic Jewish neighborhood.

So off I went, to Borough Park, Brooklyn, which allegedly has the highest concentration of Orthodox Jews outside of Israel, according to several Internet sources (I’m not testifying to this fact). 

The first sign of the devotion to Orthodox culture I saw was a school bus with Hebrew letters I spotted from the subway. Then, across the platform, a family — a couple probably not much older than me, and six girls. 

When I got off the train, I immediately noted that most of the stores had signs in either Hebrew lettering or Yiddish, often both. I’m not terribly well-versed in the Orthodox or Hasidic culture and practices, so I find the opportunity to observe a little more closely to be interesting. There’s plenty to be learned by reading, of course, but sometimes it’s nice to just see what you can see. 

One thing I do know is that Orthodox Jews have particular (and perhaps, to outsiders, peculiar) practices of dress. The women adhere to practices of tznius, or modesty, so I was sure to dress in a manner that was respectful (long skirt, shirt that didn’t show cleavage, trench coat over). Married women don’t show their natural hair outside the home, so most ladies had on wigs. 

The men are more recognizable, perhaps (payot, hats, black coats, often tallit), but I’m less familiar with the whys and wherefores of their practices. Frankly, I’m a little more interested in the roles of women, and the interactions between men and women. I noted, for example, in a music and movies store,  that a shelf of DVD’s was indicated as being intended only for females.

My first exposure to the Hasidic culture was around age 11. My parents were doing some business with a photographer, and he came to our apartment. In my attempt to be grown-up and polite, I extended my hand and said “nice to meet you.” He recoiled, or at least, that’s how I remember it. I didn’t know that Hasidic men do not touch women other than (as I understand it now) their wives, mothers, daughters and sisters. I was naive (and a child) and he was abrupt, so I was insulted. 

As I’ve learned a bit more over the years, however, the understanding I’ve come to, and this might be flawed, is that a lack of physical contact, sometimes even a lack of eye contact, is not meant to indicate that women are sub-par, but that it’s meant to preserve the specialness of contact between a husband and wife. The traditions are very different than what I (or most people I know) have grown up with, and from an outside point of view, it’s easy to look upon it as repressive and regressive. The only thing I know now is that I would have to conduct extensive research and interviews before even beginning to come to that, or any, conclusion. More research than can be done with a fast Google search.

I did notice one behavior that gave me pause, however. Several times this afternoon, I held doors for women with strollers, and not one said “thank you.” And several other times, men squeezed by me in store aisles, even bumping into me a couple of times, but none said “excuse me.” That made me curious. Was it because I was female? Because I am clearly an outsider? Or are they just being New Yorkers? For the record, plenty of us do have good manners. Or was there another reason? 

I like it when I walk away from a new experience with more questions than answers. I think figuring out the questions is just as important as knowing what the answers are. That said, if anyone would like to share any relevant knowledge or recommend resources for learning more, please do so. 

 

 

 

Day 107: The Jesus is a true ladies’ man

John Turturro is a fairly ubiquitous, versatile actor with nearly 100 film credits to his name. I mostly associate him, however, with his role in The Big Lebowski.

That is, until tonight.

I saw a preview screening of Turturro’s new film, “Fading Gigolo,” which he wrote and directed. He stars alongside Woody Allen (playing a prototypical Woody Allen part; when I saw the trailer, I actually thought it was a Woody film) and Vanessa Paradis about a man who becomes a sort of “accidental” gigolo, and the very sweet relationship that he forms with a Hassidic widow. 

Turturro was present after the screening at the 92nd Y for an interview with Annette Isfdorf, director of Undergraduate Film Studies at Columbia University. Frankly, I find her insufferable. She’s way too impressed with herself. She spends too much time showing of her vast knowledge of film and not enough time actually asking questions. 

He, however, was excellent. He was funny, humble and very thoughtful. Both from the film and from his interview afterward, it was clear that Turturro has a great respect and appreciation for women. 

“There are men who are very comfortable with women,” he said. “I could always see my mother as a woman and not just as my mother.”

The women in the film were very nuanced, an opportunity he said he regrets women, especially those “of a certain age” don’t get as often as they should. In particular, Paradis’s character of Avigal, a young Hassidic widow who struggles with the laws of her community, really illustrates a woman in conflict. 

He answered some questions from the audience, and gave me a very well-considered and thorough answer when I asked him about what research he’d done into the contemporary Hassidic culture and especially the expectations placed upon women (covering their heads outside the home, not touching men other than their husbands, giving up their education, gender segregation). He said he spent a lot of time in various Orthodox communities, interviewing and observing people, he read books, watched documentaries. It reminded me that I’ve long wanted to delve into that community — from a journalistic perspective, that is. 

Turturro describes his character in the movie as being “confident, but not cocky” and said “he’s not shy, he’s just quiet.” I don’t know that I would have ever thought to describe him as sexy in any of his past roles, but he is really quite sexy in this film, and it’s not because of any sort of physical alteration. The film as written and shot (and acted) is very sensitive and intuitive. It’s funny, but it’s also very tender. And despite the title, and the fact that, yes, his character does take money for sex, it’s not about that. 

“It’s about touch,” he said to the audience. “There’s not a person in the world who doesn’t want a shoulder to hold on to in the middle of the night.”